My marriage is fixed. My future husband repeatedly calls me to meet me in private and pressure me to have a relationship. What should I do?

My mind would have asked me that if you could have done it with me before marriage, you might have done it with others too and you might not be a pure girl that I want as my life partner.

X- Do you remember how you used to push me for planning an outstation trip together to Jaipur before we were even married ? I always could sense what you had in mind. So always dodged you saying my parents won’t agree, I can’t take extended leaves as after marriage I would have to take an extended one month leave etc etc.

A husband and a wife having a candid conversation after 5 years into the marriage. Lets call the wife X and the husband XXX

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XXX- See. I am an Indian middle class guy. I have grown up on the idea of having a “PURE” girl as my wife. Although i was craving physical intimacy with my to be partner, however if you had gone out with me on this trip and ended up being physically close to me, my mind would have raised a thousand questions on your chastity.

I don’t know how common this mentality is among men. But I feel Indian men are dwindling between attempting to be modern yet are old fashioned and rigidly conventional at core.

XXX- Yeah man!! Those were the days. It felt like we were dating and not courting for marriage.

Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?

I would not give you an answer but a real life scenario… consider this a possibility as well…

IDK may be God saved X from this situation of being used in the name of litmus test and then being discarded in the name of purity by a guy who isn’t ashamed of himself for being capable of conducting such litmus tests on another human.

XXX - Absolutely!! I so wanted to go out together and be close with you. I craved that soooooo much. But you know what?

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XXX - If you had agreed to go out with me and we got physically close even before we entered the wedlock, it would have impacted my decision to get married to you.

X- What?

X ( Aghast at this revelation)- But we were engaged and you said you loved me. You were the one who were after my life for this trip. How would that make me and me alone an impure person?

I'm looking for an answer from people who consider themselves "Gender Critical", or transphobic, or TERFs, and my question is this - Why would you refuse to use the pronouns someone wants? What does it cost you? Where's the harm?

X- ( Speechless, angry and somewhat hurt at the same time) Couldn’t elicit any reaction 🙁

You know this guy and your situation better. Act carefully and do not give in to any demands that doesn’t feel right to you. Wishing you a very happy married life ahead :)

X- Do you remember our courtship? How we used to meet every Saturday, me talking an off from work and you sneaking out of home for our dates?

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X- Okay!! I am confused now. Can you explain what was on your mind?

XXX ( Kissing her forehead)- Yeah I know. But that sweetheart was my litmus test for you and I am glad you passed the test with flying colours. I am almost sure that if you had slept with me before marriage, I would’ve canceled the wedding making up some reason . It was extremely important for me to have a wife with good character.